Even in the hard...
This summer has been full of the unexpected. I have seen a neurologist, a rheumatologist, mental health, a Lyme specialist, and a sleep doctor. I have had an EEG done, nerve testing on all my limbs, multiple MRI's, and had my blood studied. I have woken in the middle of the night to severe pain, and wondered if I should ask my Strong Man to call 911. I have asked God if I was dying. My Strong man has woken in the middle of the night and asked me if he needed to take me to the hospital. He has missed work to take me to walk in care because I can't walk without holding onto the wall. Every test comes back normal, but my family has watched me drop the milk simply because my hands were too weak. They've watched me writhe in pain as they put ice packs on my head. We have moved our whole family to one floor because some days I struggle to walk upstairs.
It has been a hard summer, full of unexpected things. The zip line broke with me on it. As my boys say I "broke my butt". Not only do my hands not always work as they should, but now it is hard to even sit and be still. When each new doctor hears my symptoms the first thing they ask is if I've been tested for Lyme. When they hear that the tests were negative they move on. The neurologist told me I was fine, and everything was in my head, that I was having mental health problems. The rheumatologist told me I need to move more. My mental health doctor who has known me for almost 10 years said I am mentally stable, that I have real problems. The Lyme specialist said I have Lyme, and since that's the first place every other doctor has gone when they meet me I'm inclined to think she's right. Treatment has begun. I'm in the late stages of it, the Lyme is in my nervous system, and wreaking havoc on my body.
Even in all the hard, we're learning as a family how to love each other and how to make the best of tough times.
On days my hands don't want to work, but the pain is manageable we go on adventures.
On days my pain is intense we call friends for help, or we stay in our PJ's and snuggle up. We do what needs to be done, and let go of what doesn't.
We are learning to find balance in this new normal for us. I am learning to let go of schedules and plans and to do what I can when I can. I'm learning to set aside my perfectionist tendencies.
Most of all I'm learning again that even in the hard there is always space for joy. That the worship often comes before the miracle. That God is trustworthy. This is not the summer I had hoped for, but even in the hard it has been good.
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| Getting ready for the EEG. |
It has been a hard summer, full of unexpected things. The zip line broke with me on it. As my boys say I "broke my butt". Not only do my hands not always work as they should, but now it is hard to even sit and be still. When each new doctor hears my symptoms the first thing they ask is if I've been tested for Lyme. When they hear that the tests were negative they move on. The neurologist told me I was fine, and everything was in my head, that I was having mental health problems. The rheumatologist told me I need to move more. My mental health doctor who has known me for almost 10 years said I am mentally stable, that I have real problems. The Lyme specialist said I have Lyme, and since that's the first place every other doctor has gone when they meet me I'm inclined to think she's right. Treatment has begun. I'm in the late stages of it, the Lyme is in my nervous system, and wreaking havoc on my body.
 |
| Sleep Study |
Even in all the hard, we're learning as a family how to love each other and how to make the best of tough times.
On days my hands don't want to work, but the pain is manageable we go on adventures.
 |
| Creating a space that all three boys will enjoy. |
On days my pain is intense we call friends for help, or we stay in our PJ's and snuggle up. We do what needs to be done, and let go of what doesn't.
We are learning to find balance in this new normal for us. I am learning to let go of schedules and plans and to do what I can when I can. I'm learning to set aside my perfectionist tendencies.
Most of all I'm learning again that even in the hard there is always space for joy. That the worship often comes before the miracle. That God is trustworthy. This is not the summer I had hoped for, but even in the hard it has been good.
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